Suburban Myths and Merriment
by Jaye Reid
Summary: Perceived ideas on law and order can become a bit hazy when lives are at stake. And it doesn't matter whose life is in danger.


Suburban Myths and Merriment.

By Jaye Reid.

Written: 01.07.2000

Disclaimer: Southern Star own them, I just borrow them for a little play. They are just so nice. g

Authors notes: Thought I would step out of the past for a little while and have a bit of fun with the current crop of Water police. I have such a new appreciation for the amount of work the likes of Steve Bisley, Dee Smart and Aaron Pederson put out to give us great drama each week. They are in most of the scenes and it must be extremely exhausting. I decided it was about time I gave them more of my fanfiction time.

Dedication: To Erin, for laughing so much!

~*~*~*~

"Well I say lunch first *then* we go and visit Mrs. Carphoops," stated Jack as he and Mick bound down the stairs together. "If we go see her first, it'll be arvo tea time before we get away."

"Mrs. Carphoops?" queried Helen with a wry smile. "Shall I enter that *officially* as your whereabouts or does she have another title she prefers to go by? You know, just in case anyone asks?"

Mick grinned back at Helen as they stopped at the front desk. "Ah yeah, better enter it as umm… Mrs. Wilson, the witness from the collision out on the Harbour yesterday. But Jack's right, lunch first…"

"Ear-bashing second," added Jack.

"Well, since you are heading out that way, this report is very timely if you have a minute or two to spare."

"For you Helen, anything," replied Jack.

"Sorry to disappoint you Jack, but you're just not my type," Helen answered. She grabbed a slip of paper and wrote down the address before handing it over to Jack. "Report of a gunshot, check it out will you."

"Ahhh what? Gees Helen, what's wrong with the local patrol in that area?" argued Jack.

"Waterfront property Jack. If it *is* anything, it will probably end up as one of yours anyway. Might as well go have a look."

"Hey nice area. They reported gunshots?" asked Mick, taking the paper from Jack and reading the information. 

"That's what they reported," replied Helen, "you know that no suburb is immune from crime."

"Lifestyles of the rich and bored if you ask me," added Jack.

"Probably a car backfiring," laughed Mick. "Would they know what a gunshot sounded like?"

"Ah they'd watch TV," chuckled Jack. "Ya know, those cop shows, heaps of gun battles."

"Oh yeah, and they're *so* realistic too," he replied.

"Okay you two, get all your condescending comments done with *before* you get there. I mean it's totally inconceivable that someone may have stumbled across an intruder or perhaps someone decided they didn't like who they were married to anymore. But no, I'm sure it's nothing and you can waste as much time as you want joking about it here."

Helen's comments wiped the joking smiles from Jack and Mick's faces.

"Yeah, come on Mick, let's go," said Jack seriously as he headed for the door.

"Yep, okay," Mick replied following him.

Helen smiled to herself as they hurried out the door.

~*~

"Ya know, Helen could be right about this," said Mick as they headed toward the address, "do you think we need back up on this?"

"Like what backup? Alex is on a day off, don't think she would appreciate being called in. But yeah, it's waterfront, so I suppose it wouldn't hurt to know where the Nemmie is, just incase."

Mick scoffed. Syksie and Quinn? Ya call that back up?"

"Hey better than nothin' Mick. What, you want me to get Helen to put the 'men in black' on standby or somethin' for *one* reported gunshot?"

"Nah… just thinking that's all," he replied.

"Don't hurt ya self," Jack laughed as he reached for the radio. "Water Police 200 to VKG Sydney Water Police."

After a short pause the radio sprang to life.

"Sydney Water Police to Water Police 200. Problem Jack?"

"Nah, no problem Helen, just wondering on the 10.20 of the Nemmie?"

"Standby Water Police 200. VKG Sydney Water Police to Police Launch Nemesis?"

Silence.

"Police Launch Nemesis this is Sydney Water Police, do you copy?"

"Police… Launch Nemesis… copy… Helen… sorry Sarge, mouthful – lunch you know?"

"Roger there Sykes, far be it for me to interrupt your little picnic out there with Quinn. The Detectives are inquiring as to your 20 at the moment?"

"Copy that. We are just leaving Circular Quay, heading over towards Watson's Bay marina. They *need* us do they?"

"Don't go getting big headed out there or you might sink the boat. They were merely inquiring," replied Helen.

"Roger Sydney Water Police, we're clear."

"Sydney Water Police to Water Police 200, did you copy all of that Jack?"

"Roger Helen, got it. We'll let you know if we require their assistance. 200 clear."

~*~

They pulled up outside the address in the leafy suburb with its huge homes, high fences and abundance of steel security gates.

"This is the address?" queried Mick quietly as they crossed the nature-strip and headed up the drive.

"Yep," replied Jack in a hushed tone, "this is it."

"Doesn't *look* like anything is going on here," Mick continued.

"Nah, not much at all."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are we whispering?"

Jack looked at Mick and coughed. "Buggered if I know," he replied loudly.

Mick grinned as Jack rang the doorbell and they waited.

No answer.

Jack rang it again. "Wonder if anyone's even home?"

"Could be dead," offered Mick.

"Ta for the insight. Don't go jumping to any conclusions on me Mick. I'll ring it again and if they don't…"

"Yeah, yeah. Keep ya shirt on will ya," came the yell from the other side of the door as they heard the lock turn.

The two men looked in puzzlement at each other and then surprise as the door opened.

"Sheeesh! What do you blokes want?" asked Alex at the sight of her colleagues standing on the doorstep. "Can't a woman have a day off in peace?"

"Alex," said Mick, renewing the role of a Water Police detective who liked to state the obvious.

"Nice trackie there Alex," smirked Jack. "Never would have picked *yellow* to have been your colour?"

"Its not *yellow* it's *lemon*. And it was kicking around in the bottom of a drawer, so I didn't think it would matter if it got putrid while I did some gardening. So there! And anyway, why the hell am I explaining myself to you?"

"Dunno. Nice place ya got here though Alex. How many years you been on the take to afford this?" Jack continued.

"You're funny Jack, you know that? Take your funny pills today did you?"

"Mum and Dad's place Alex?" queried Mick with a smile.

"Yes it's my parents house. They're o/s at the moment and I am house-sitting. And as I said, whata you guys want?"

"Gonna let us in?" asked Jack.

"Do I *have* to?"

"Alex. Now that's not very friendly," grinned Mick.

"Aw… alright come in. Wipe ya feet on the mat okay. Don't need you guys traipsing mud through the place," she stated, "I was just about to have lunch."

"What's for lunch?" asked Jack. "You see we haven't had any because we had to check out this report of a gunshot at some poshy address."

"Oh," offered Alex as she closed the door behind them and led them down a hallway into a expansive dining room. The large table set for one.

"Don't ya just have a kitchen bench to eat at by yourself?" asked Mick looking around.

"Yeah, but I like eating in here. I guess you blokes want a coffee?" she replied, heading into the kitchen.

"Yeah, why not," replied Jack, "Cappuccino ohh… and hold the marshmallows."

Jack chuckled to Mick as he nodded towards some photo's that were obviously Alex as a teenager on a bookshelf. 

"Yeah you wouldn't have marshmallows would you Jack. Ya got something against eating your own kind," she called.

"Ah she got ya," laughed Mick.

"So, do you want to tell us about the reported gunshot?" called Jack.

Alex came back and stood in the doorway. "Only if I have to. I figured I'd file a report tomorrow when I came in," she replied before heading over to the French doors that appeared to open onto a large patio.

"Yep, you have to," replied Jack.

She glanced around at Jack. "It's all so stupid now," she replied looking slightly embarrassed.

"Come on then. You'll feel better if you get it off your… well if you tell us."

"Yeah right. Well, I was down there," she pointed through the glass, "doing some weeding…"

"What, no gardener?" grinned Mick.

"Yes, well there is actually. Bob's been with us since I was a kid…"

"Gees *that* long," mumbled Jack, just loud enough to be heard.

Alex chose to ignore him. "And he's getting on a bit. Eyesight isn't great so he misses things these days. He's not here this week, so I thought I would give him a hand. Used to love doing that when I was a kid," she smiled as she reminisced.

"Yeah, anyway – back to the gunshot," said Jack.

"Okay… well I was down at the bottom of the garden…"

"Ha! I know, it was a marauding mob of fairies and pixies and they attacked and you had to defend yourself," interrupted Jack with a laugh.

"Listen Jack, do you wanta know what happened or do I just chuck you out on the doorstep?" said Alex getting annoyed. Jack was having fun with this and she could see she wasn't going to live it down for awhile.

"Can't do that Alex," said Mick trying to sound serious, " that would constitute assault police. We'd have to arrest you."

"Hey Michael, don't you start too," she warned.

Mick grinned and held his hands up before walking over to the windows with Alex. "Okay, you were gardening at the bottom of the garden, where there are *no* pixies or elves…"

"Fairies," interjected Jack.

They turned and looked at him.

"Elves are bigger and they work for Santa."

"Okay, no pixies, elves *or* fairies. So what next Alex?" asked Mick.

"You bastards are really enjoying this!"

Jack put on his official looking face and removed his notebook from his pocket. Yep he *was* enjoying this tale. "Now Ms. St Clare if you would like to continue."

Alex shook her head and looked to Mick for support. Nope, she wasn't going to get any from him. Might as well get this over and done with she decided. 

"I was weeding and heard something. At first I thought it was a lizard, but then it moved and I realised it was a snake. I ran up to the garden shed to get a shovel or something but Bob keeps the shed locked and I wasn't sure where the key was kept these days. Then I saw Meggsie down near where the snake was and I panicked."

"Ah… Meggsie?" asked Mick.

"Um, yeah, our cat. She's gotta be, oh hell… 15, 16 years old…"

"Been with ya for years, like Bob then?" queried Jack.

"Yeah, if you want to put it like that. She's getting old and slow, you'd understand what that's like Jack," she grinned.

His raised eyebrow at her comment told her she had scored at least one back, but the scoreline was still reading 30 to 10 and she was sure the next try would be attempted by Jack again.

"Anyway, I was afraid that Meggsie would try to get it and she would come off second best. So… I came in here, grabbed my gun from my bag, went back and shot at it."

"Shot *at* it?" asked Mick.

"Yeah, well you're the sharp-shooter around here, I sorta missed. But then it disappeared down towards the jetty."

"Bloody lucky for you it did," said Jack, "do you know what the fine is for killing snakes?"

"Yeah, yeah… but it could have killed Meggsie and that's all I was worried about," replied Alex.

"Alex, do you realise the shit load of paperwork you have created?" asked Mick.

"Ah come on you guys. You can surely compile an edited version of this for your report."

"Nah, not just *us* Alex. *Your* paperwork. Firstly you had your gun here, not checked back in after yesterdays op." started Mick.

"And I hope it was *secured* in that bag of yours?" stated Jack.

"Yes! It was locked away. Come on Jack, I know what I'm doing you know."

"Really Alex? Because the reams of paper you're gonna have to go through to explain how and why you discharged your firearm…"

"Hey look, yeah I know. I realised afterwards. I just didn't want it to get Meggsie."

"And where's the infamous Meggsie now?" asked Jack with a grin.

"Oh somewhere around. She sorta took off when I shot at the snake."

"Ungrateful cat," laughed Jack. "Oh and I guess your report will have to include you trying to break the law by killing a snake."

Mick took his mobile out. "Better call Helen."

"Why?" asked Alex.

Mick held a hand up as the call was obviously being answered.

"Yeah Donna, is Helen there?… Yep ta… it's Mick… Yeahhh… Michael Reilly, you know, *detective* I work there, longer than *you* have… yesss… *that* Mick… ta."

Jack laughed, Mick shook his head.

"Yeah Helen, we're here at that address. Everything is fine. Could you tell Gavin the Nemesis won't be required?"

"Nemesis?" queried Alex to Jack.

"Yeah, back up, you know, just incase," he replied.

"Yeah no worries Helen. The would be offender seems to have *slipped* away!… What?… Tell Alex she can tell you all about it over coffee tomorrow?" repeated Mick out loud with a puzzled expression on his face. "You *knew* who lived here?… Oh the caller *mentioned* who the owners of the house were. Yeah… ta Helen, thanks."

"Coffee then?" grinned Alex.

"Bugger coffee," said Jack. "It's lunchtime and its your shout."

"Or I'll never hear the end of this I suppose?" she asked.

"Oh nah… you'll never here the end of this one anyway. Lunch is so we keep quiet about your *lemon* tracksuit," he grinned.

"You guys are cruel you know that," said Alex looking from one to the other.

"Yep," smirked Jack.

"But ya love us just the way we are," grinned Mick.

"Oh yeah sure… bastards!" she smiled.

The End.  
  


  



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